While the word “discipline” may bring to mind an overly strict teacher, rapping knuckles with a ruler, the truth is that discipline is an internal process, one that is synonymous with restraint and control. There are many different types of child discipline, which fall into five general camps:
Positive Discipline: Based on praise and encouragement, positive discipline uses a “team” approach where children learn to solve problems and develop solutions.
Gentle Discipline: Focuses on preventing problems.Redirection is often used over punishments.
Boundary-based Discipline: Uses limit-setting to make rules known in advance. Kids are asked to make their own choices given the limits and face consequences (natural or enforced) for violating boundaries.
Behavior Modification: Uses positive and negative consequences to shape behavior. Praise and rewards encourage good behavior while misbehavior is ignored or discouraged through negative consequences.
Emotion Coaching: Developed by a psychology researcher, emotion coaching is a five-step process that helps children become aware of and name their emotions. Like gentle discipline, preventing behavioral problems is key.
Many parents (and caregivers) will not adhere strictly to one “camp” or type of discipline. Depending on various factors, like the age of the child or the severity of the misbehavior, it’s quite possible to mix and match different types of discipline to suit the child or situation. It’s quite important to note that discipline is different than punishment. While punishments are doled out as a penalty for an offense, discipline focuses on teaching children skills to effectively manage their own behavior. Rather than punishments, many discipline techniques rely on consequences. Natural consequences can be a vital teaching aid to teach self-discipline. Natural consequences follow actions without parental intervention – if you run too fast you may trip and fall, if you make a wobbly stack it may fall over, etc. Some children (and adults) may need to personally experience these natural consequences (rather than take your word for it!) As they say, experience can be the best teacher. The use of consequences over punishments is a very helpful tool no matter which form of discipline you follow.
Positive Discipline Techniques
Positive Discipline is a great approach in helping kids acquire self-discipline. While you may prefer gentle or boundary-based discipline, tools from the Positive Discipline toolbox can be useful for any parent or caregiver. Below are a few of our favorite techniques that mesh well with many disciplinary practices.
1. Offer Choices – Giving children a range of suitable choices over a binary “yes-no” gives growing minds a sense of self-sufficiency. Provide options you encourage and allow your child to choose! Making good choices is key to self-discipline.
2. Offer a Prepared Environment: In Montessori, the “prepared environment” is an area or space in which children can engage freely with their surroundings. Offer at least one space or area in your home or yard that is welcoming, safe and age-appropriate for exploration. Don’t include elements that will result in negative consequences or are off-limits. For example, if you abhor a mess, don’t include a giant mud pit in your prepared environment!
3. Name your Emotions: Give your children words to express their emotions. Saying “I’m frustrated!” or “I’m angry!” is an appropriate way to express these emotions over screaming or tantrums.
4. Involve Children in Solutions: When faced with a problem, give your kids a chance to chime in and offer solutions. Give feedback on these solutions, talk them through – children will internalize these verbal discussions and will soon be able to mentally walk through solutions on their own!
Below are some links for further reading. No matter what kind of discipline you practice, results will follow from patience, consistency and kindness.
PBS – Seven Tips for Practicing Positive Discipline
8 Positive Discipline Techniques
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